I've been thinking about what it means to be a working woman that is also a mom. I know they call us "working moms" but I don't really love that term. I don't feel it defines me quite right. I feel like it connotes that the mom part is the primary and the working part is secondary.
That sounds like I put work first - which sounds terrible and I'm sure I'll get some feedback about how horrible I am for saying that. I'm not sure that's quite right though. I just don't define myself as mom first.
There is so much pressure to make the mom part the primary. Yes, I love my children and they mean the world to me. But, I feel like the primary part of me is the me that is separate from them. The communicator, the creative thinker, the yoga teacher/yogini, the reader, the wife... I could go on.
Maybe that's odd, but it's me. I didn't grow up thinking I'd be a mom. In fact, I told my parents they shouldn't count on being grandparents and always said I wouldn't have kids.
Then I met my husband, stars aligned and here I am today, a mom of two boys.
I've recently read a few postings on Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's COO, touting her as a model for working moms everywhere. The one that struck me the most was this one by Penelope Trunk that contradicted the others. Among other thoughts, Trunk described the way Sandberg has arranged her life to be THAT successful. She makes the necessary arrangements for her children so that she can put work first.
And again, I thought about that term "working mom" and how it doesn't quite fit for women that make work a priority.
I'm not sure I want to make all those arrangements and sacrifices. I want to spend time with my children and watch them grow up. I want them to be a big part of my life - I guess I just don't want them to be the definition of my life.
So maybe I'm somewhere in the middle. But I still need a new term. Any ideas?
Thanks Trevor! My hats off to you for being a stay at home dad. It's great to hear that dads are going through this too. I think it speaks to where we are going as couples - with more shared childcare.
Posted by: Miri | March 6, 2012 at 02:22 PM
Great post, Miri. As I've embraced my role as a single dad over the past 7-8 years, I've pondered many of the same issues. I'm now responsible for the cooking, cleaning, taxiing, playing, etc., along with my working responsibilities....the realm of the so-called "working woman." Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by: Trevor Nagle | March 6, 2012 at 07:53 AM
Totally agree Scott - thanks for the thoughtful comment!
Posted by: Miri | February 25, 2012 at 03:46 PM
From a 'working dad's' point of view the adjective should be dropped. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or working mom it doesn't change who you are. Caring, dependable, understanding, warm, patient, encouraging, loving, helpful, sacrificing, skillful, wonderful, imaginative, tender, hard-working, etc.
Posted by: Scott Petinga | February 24, 2012 at 01:24 PM
Alli - I love how you responded to your client. It's true. We don't do it all. I don't know what I would do without great child care. And I know that's not for everyone, but it's right for me. Thanks for your comment!
Posted by: Miri | February 24, 2012 at 11:37 AM
Great post, Miri! Just last week one of my clients asked me... how do you do it all as a full time working mom? I think my answer surprised her: I don't. What I do is work full time and love my family full time - it doesn't mean doing it all. I wish I had a new term! Hummm... Definitely gets me thinking! Thanks for that!
Posted by: Alli Polin | February 24, 2012 at 11:28 AM