I've been thinking about what it means to be a working woman that is also a mom. I know they call us "working moms" but I don't really love that term. I don't feel it defines me quite right. I feel like it connotes that the mom part is the primary and the working part is secondary.
That sounds like I put work first - which sounds terrible and I'm sure I'll get some feedback about how horrible I am for saying that. I'm not sure that's quite right though. I just don't define myself as mom first.
There is so much pressure to make the mom part the primary. Yes, I love my children and they mean the world to me. But, I feel like the primary part of me is the me that is separate from them. The communicator, the creative thinker, the yoga teacher/yogini, the reader, the wife... I could go on.
Maybe that's odd, but it's me. I didn't grow up thinking I'd be a mom. In fact, I told my parents they shouldn't count on being grandparents and always said I wouldn't have kids.
Then I met my husband, stars aligned and here I am today, a mom of two boys.
I've recently read a few postings on Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's COO, touting her as a model for working moms everywhere. The one that struck me the most was this one by Penelope Trunk that contradicted the others. Among other thoughts, Trunk described the way Sandberg has arranged her life to be THAT successful. She makes the necessary arrangements for her children so that she can put work first.
And again, I thought about that term "working mom" and how it doesn't quite fit for women that make work a priority.
I'm not sure I want to make all those arrangements and sacrifices. I want to spend time with my children and watch them grow up. I want them to be a big part of my life - I guess I just don't want them to be the definition of my life.
So maybe I'm somewhere in the middle. But I still need a new term. Any ideas?